Here's another round of fine print from the back of our improv show's program. Again, i tried to collect as many warning labels as i could find an twist them to fit the show.
Performers are subject to participation and availability. If you break it you buy it. When in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, please do so after the show. Prices may be higher in Hawaii, Alaska, and Delaware. Four out of five dentists have dogs. In case of a sudden loss of cabin pressure oxygen masks will fall from the ceiling. Be sure to put your own mask on first, then, if you think of it, help out the youngsters. Friends don't let friends give bad suggestions. Objects in rearview mirror are closer than they may appear. The contents of this show are under extreme pressure. Explosion may occur at high altitudes. The show is not to be used above 8,000 feet. Possession of rotten tomatoes will result in a $4,000 fine, and you will be placed on 5 month produce probation. No shoes, no shirt, no service, no verbs. Stop use if rash or irritation develops. Artificial weather will be utilized during portions of the show. Weather patterns may include: drizzle, partly cloudy skies, tornadic sunlight, breezes of a brisk nature, pseudo-monsoon with a chance of some sort of niņo. Patent Pending. The contents of this performance may be HOT. Use caution when handling. Do not point directly into your eye. This show passes all California emission standards. Hot casings will be ejected from the side. Side affects may include: spontaneous laughter, lacrimal secretion, patellar striking, nasal lactation, and dyspepsia. Us will not tolerate those whom use pronouns incorrectly. The views expressed during this performance do not necessarily reflect the views of anyone else on earth or its affiliated planets and moons. Do not be alarmed if you hear a rattling sound as you move the show. Nothing is loose, It's a special component inside each performance. This show may not cause harmful interference and must accept any interference received, including interference that may cause undesired operation.
The one that makes me giggle the most is only probably amusing to those who have owned a Nemesis Factor.
Posted by Matthew at August 25, 2006 01:16 AM