3MF

Fine Print

I was going though my old files on my computer and i came across some of programs i made for my old improv team that we would hand out before the show. Occasionally i would fill the back side with a bunch of "fine print" when i didn't know what else to put there. For some reason i find fake legal disclaimers amusing. Here's the back from the first program i decorated with tiny text.

The team cannot be held responsible for jokes which are not funny. If you are not at least 34 inches tall, you may not be able to laugh at all the jokes. Sorry, no refunds after the first 3 minutes. A receipt is required to receive cash back. MasterCard is accepted everywhere but here. We reserve the right to coat the audience in a synthetic pie-filling-like substance for the safety of the actors. Flash photography is strongly encouraged during this evenings performance. Please do not feed the performers. The comedy produced during the show cannot be exported to any foreign country with out the expressed written permission of the NFL. Sometimes I sneak into your room at night and watch you sleep. If you do not own a Macintosh computer, you will have to reboot your machine during intermission. This team does not discriminate based on gender, race, age, height, beauty or ability but we do proudly discriminate against lacks of senses of humor and bad suggestions. All laughs during the program become property of Part Of A Complete Breakfast Industries and it's affiliates. All of the characters and events portrayed during the performance are fictional. Any similarity to persons alive or dead is coincidental. Any similarities to your mom are intentional and funny. Your satisfaction with our humor is guaranteed. This performance may contain nuts. For more information call 1-800-PROGRESSIVE; they won't be able to tell you much about the team, but they can give you a great deal on car insurance. Emergency exits are located just below the exit signs. Your chair can be used as a flotation device in case of a flash flood. Snacks will not be served during this show. If you have a complaint, please tell someone who cares. No portion of this evenings ticket sales is going to charity. Offer only valid while supplies last. For a free game piece, please send a SASE (self addressed stamped envelope) to Part Of A Complete Breakfast, PO Box 1485, Lake Beauna Vista, FL, 04826-1485. Please let the team know if you have any severe allergies or are talking any medications. We've changed our mind about the cameras: no flash photography. You must be present to win. Caution: Strobe lights may be used in this evenings performance. If you are happy and you know it; clap your hands. Please do not take any fruit or seeds with you into the theater. This show is dedicated to the many gifted improvisers who gave their life trying to find the funny.